my baby's all growns up!

Well yesterday to say the least, was as usual a manic, wild adventure of some sorts. I went out to eat with an old friend and he bought my food and drove me all the way to the beach where I preceded to hang out with the dudes all dancing in unison to House of Pain drunk. I played soccer by myself intensely for some time and drank too much. I watched the person I was about to fall asleep next to have an undercover cop walk into the room and arrest him, at 3am, with me in my underwear and a Johnny Thunders shirt. Needless to say, another night of hating cops and freaking out with the others in the house. The cop threatened me that if I went down to bail him out, he'd give me a dui. "Uh...I don't even have a car, I was going to walk.." "I don't care, I'll give you one anyways." Fuck tha police. So I spent the better half of the night after 3am waiting around for the guys to bail his ass out and then having to try and find him since they lost him. Walking around Carolina Beach again buying cigarettes and searching for him, he beat me to the house and it was an emotional time. I hate anger and violence. Swingers was on and I just ignored the hatred and waited until everyone calmed down. We sat outside finishing up the leftover beers and then finally got into bed at 5am.

I don't know what to say about my life, I think I am unsatisfied and trying so damn hard. I never wanna see the person I love the most, my best friend, get arrested in front of me and be disrespected by some fucking undercover cop. Today, I felt sad and fidgeted and took a walk to get food by myself, I thought about staying positive but my heart hurt. Coming back, a boy from my high school gave me a hug and told me I smelled like college, he was at the church up the street. They wouldn't let me over to get a free tye-dye jesus shirt, but I guess it's ok since my shirt said "Dead to me" and had a jaguar holding a gun and knife. There's a new puppy at the house I'm in love with and a little boy played with me in the kennel since we are both small. After being sad and all jumbled up, we laid in bed and talked about life. I don't know what's going to happen, I wish I wasn't a lazy piece of shit because I have things going for me but I'm fucking up. I love you too much, they'd have you for lunch. I'm all crazy right after early beer and McDonald's. I need a job, I need a car, I need a new place to stay. My parents despise me more each day and I thought I'd be over this by college but no. I have to do a lot for myself.