sometimes you see right through me..

When I put on the mixes the boy I love made me, I feel barely seventeen again. And I know that wasn't long ago at all. But man, I have changed, and he has changed, everything has changed..

Some of these songs are so hard to listen to. But I remember sneaking off in a shirt-dress with balloons on them to be picked up after talking until 3am drunk in his mom's mustang and his 100 Demons shirt and nylon sweatpants. Things are so vivid from that time. And cooking red rice and beans, and going on real dates and smiling really big. And driving silently, all nervous and kissing in the gazebo late at night and snuggling on the big couch watching Patriot, that was the first time you told me you love me. And the first time you asked me to "really" by your girlfriend. We always talked until it was late and you were the one pushing me to apply to colleges and do well on SATs and get my shit together so I can be happy.

Few people leave impressions on me, let alone the first time of meeting. But I remember how nervous I was, what you were wearing and I was sixteen, chainsmoking in the backseat. Viking night, all the boys and just me searching for viking helmets, picking up vodka and beer. And the first time kissing you during New Year's, I almost fell while getting my tiptoes then running off. Or the time we hung out alone for the first time, and you tried teaching me how to play wii golf and I kept cursing and you kept laughing, and we talked and talked. Drank a twelve pack together and I remember everyone else coming over and how I wish it was just us for some reason then I couldn't understand..Oh yeah and skating drunk with the boys in Harris Teeter parking lot then to the Walmart parking lot and you falling on your ass, then free waffles and coffee at Waffle House at 3am and everyone telling me to shut up. The next morning your mom was not so happy with me being there and you had to get your brother's car to take me to my friend's and we had an awkward kiss goodbye. I am laughing now at how jumbled all of this comes out but I remember everything.

If you ever read this, I am sorry we argue and get mad over stupid shit. I love you. You're the best no matter what you do, or whatever happens.