dark entries

I came upon your room it stuck into my head
We leapt into the bed degrading even lice
You took delight in taking down
All my shielded pride
Until exposed became my darker side

Puckering up and down some avenue of sin
Too cheap to ride they're worth a try
If only for the old times, cold times
Don't go waving your pretentious love


I have a cold and I don't remember the last time I had one but I am too weak. I keep focusing on my work and reading. I don't like who I have become. People ask me for a light on campus and I don't like the way they stare but sometimes I wish they'd engage in some sort of talk, so I won't feel so ugly and weird. But that's just me, I have learned this. It is still always comforting. I have at least an appetite now but I feel like I am getting fat again. I ate lunch with two French boys today, along with Caroline who bought me food. They teased me and called Ms. Green for not eating meat, they were endearing and want me to go with them to see Inglorious Basterds with them. I don't like the way peoples' eyes stare, I feel so uneasy, all this fellow students around me and I am sitting chainsmoking, closing myself off in books and my music and fidgeting. This new chapter in my life is literally cloudly and gloomy, most days it rains, my clothes are too dark, my hair is a mess, my face is a mess and I have no one to make me feel better. When did that ever matter? I guess I got too used to having someone there only for them to so selfishly disappear into some other lover's bed. Oh well, I always manage to grow a harder exterior and maybe I will find someone who isn't scared of a troubled girl with a head full of supposed intimidating knowledge. I am just rambling and need to go take some drugs now to calm me down.