I'm still in a shit mood and I am not sure if it's because I have no social life or my sleeping pattern is all fucked up. Maybe a mixture but I want to get out of it. And I feel as though getting out of town for a while would be great for me. Everyone here is too consumed by their pathetic vices or maybe I am too judgemental and feel too bitchy so I won't bother. I don't like feeling this way.

I haven't been in New York since two summers ago and since I have some cash, I can easily find a place to crash and get a plane ticket for cheap. I've never flown on a plane before so it sounds all exciting, I just have to figure it out. I am watching this stupid show NYC Prep and it makes me miss the city. Aside from the prissy assholes on the show, the obvious setting is what gets me and that kid PC's good looks. Haha.

I need to get my mind off things and to sort myself and my emotions out. I feel a little vacation would be just right but who would I even see? I guess there's a few people but I kind of lost touch and cut most people out of my life. Seeing John, his snake and mama would be great though, they are always fun. Walking around main street with a boy who dresses like he's in some magazine with a snake wrapped around his neck is good times no matter what. And I haven't seen Sonya since I was fourteen, jesus. But what I miss the most is being able to wander without needing a reason or feel out of place, there's a million people wandering around, I won't feel out of place and it will give me some time. It would be good to not worry about stupid shit and just be able to drink 40s at the station or the park and ride the subway everywhere. I wouldn't mind catching up with my old neighbors and hanging outside on the steps with the Puerto Ricans. I hear about all the kids I used to know and most of them dropped outta high school, or were thrown in jail or are dealing now. It's weird I got out of it.

In other news, I finally got my permit. And yeah so I'm eighteen, it's a step for me. Maybe that will solve my rut. Who knows.